Why did I wait so long to get professional help? I've only had 2 sessions so far but this is amazing. I truly appreciate that my therapist gives it to me bluntly and I love how great of a listener she is. I felt so comfortable just opening up to her about everything and said things that I never thought of before that helped paint a better picture of why I feel the way I feel. No, I don't feel 100% better and there is definitely a lot of things I need to work on with myself but one thing I know for sure is I am not as crazy as I think I am. She tells me I love so much and I'm always making excuses for how people treat or act towards me and that I push my own feelings to the side and don't validate those feelings enough. She told me the things I ask for is normal especially under the circumstances I've been through. Talking to her really made me realize that I've lost my sense of self and worth. I was able to talk to her about what I feel like I deserved and she asked me if I thought I was receiving that. It was a tough question and as much as I wanted to believe I was... I'm really not. I know I deserve more but that doesn't mean I don't already love what I have at the moment. Things are fine but they sure as hell can be better. I need to sort out what exactly I want and what I think I deserve. She also told me I pour so much of myself and need to make sure I surround myself with people who can at least make more effort in pouring out into whatever relationship we have whether it be romantically or friendly. She's given me a couple of exercises to work on and I'm so scared to do it but I'm also able to see the big picture at the same time. Crossing fingers towards this new step of self-love, self-worth, and self-progress.

I deserve to be happy.
I'll get there eventually.