God, another how many months since my last entry. To be honest I haven't written because I started to pick up journaling through an actual journal again but I always tell myself it's easier to just type things out. But typing it here runs the risk for others to find it. Sure I can private it, but I also hope that one day this online journal can be found and shed some sense of reassurance to someone that they aren't alone.
To catch up, again... I'm engaged! John and I had a trip to Northern California back in October 2022. It was originally a second trip to Napa with my cousins. We were supposed to all meet up from Oct14-16 but John told me he wanted to take the long way up through PCH and instead we left earlier on the 12th and stopped by Monterey, Big Sur, San Luis Obispo, and lastly Carmel. The first day honestly didn't start out the best. I woke up with intense vertigo and felt so bad it delayed the time we left by an hour. I popped some Dramamine but it didn't help me too much. Then on the freeway we missed our exit causing us to be stuck in DTLA traffic at 7am. Once that was all out of the way, I started to feel a little better. It's a little further back for me to recall every detail but we saw sea otters, elephant seals, and even hiked down a steep hill to be closer by the water. As our trip continued, we stopped by this private beach at the entrance to Carmel. It was a really short walk and it was a really gloomy day. John kept bringing up how Carmel was known for their sunsets and was really upset to see it was all gloom during our trip. We arrived to the private beach and just looked over the water. There were times where I noticed he'd try to get behind me and then put his hands in his pocket. In all honesty, my heart began to beat hard at this point as I started to question if he was going to propose. In the back of my mind I kept doubting it because I knew we'd be meeting up with my cousins later that trip! So I guess to me I was shy and didn't think it would actually happen.
We left and checked into this cute little cottage for our room for the next 2 nights. It was cute, spacious, and cozy with a little fireplace that we actually used a lot. It was a really cold day but I loved just spending time with John. Monday of that week we found out a new restaurant in Carmel opened that last Friday. We saw the owner and chef had an amazing culinary background having worked in multiple 3 star Michelin restaurants and said fuck it, let's go. We cancelled our first night's dinner at Cassanova, a popular and safe restaurant in Carmel, to try this place out. The waiters, the wife who attended to our table, the food, having the owner and head chef come up to our table to talk to us was insane. We've never experienced such service! We ordered so much food between the two of us along with all their desserts and before we knew it Monique, Chef Johnny's wife, comes up to our table and leans forward and asks us if we'd like to tour the kitchen. John and I turned to each other with a ?!?! expression on our faces and said yes (who wouldn't pass down this opportunity?!?!). Monique stands up and says, "Okay, let me talk to my husband and ask if it's okay". When she leaves John and I are having a huge wtf moment with each other also because we realized both Monique and Chef Johnny were drawn to the two of us throughout the night and Monique especially saw something in us worthy enough to be offered a tour of the kitchen--even without talking to Chef Johnny about it yet! Earlier that evening when Chef Johnny came outside, mind you this is already an hour into our dinner, we noticed he approached our table and one other. We could tell the other table he approached was a table of old friends as they were comfortable talking to each other and were catching up about the kids. When he came up to our table it was some small talk, he asked where we're from, what dishes we're enjoying, what brings us there (said we were celebrating our 7 year anniversary lol), etc. And then he walks back. Before we knew it, Monique comes out saying she talked to Chef Johnny and he agreed to give us a tour at the end of the night. We weren't rushed to finish our food or anything, in fact we still had all the desserts still to come. Throughout the night the staff would check in on us etc and before you know it Monique comes back to ask if we're ready for our tour. We excitedly stand up and she walks us to the kitchen and introduces us to Chef Johnny who then says, "Oh yes, we met outside earlier!" (Still crazy we caught their attentions for different reasons and here we are, the four of us side by side about to walk through the kitchen). He shows us around, shows us this 110 lb tuna in the freezer ready to be served the following day, etc. At the end of our tour, still behind the counter, Monique asks if we want a picture with Chef Johnny. Obviously we couldn't turn that offer down. While she takes it she says, "You guys are our first guests taking a picture behind the kitchen!" Albeit they just opened their restaurant the last Friday, it's so crazy to know we were offered this opportunity. We still follow their IG page and honestly til this day we haven't seen people post pics with them and Chef Johnny behind the kitchen, it's usually him standing next to their table. Not to toot our own horns or anything haha. John and I walk back to our hotel after dinner talking non-stop about what just happened. How perfect the whole day went but especially our first night in Carmel. Chef Johnny had asked us if we plan to come back the following night but we already had plans at 7:30 at Aubergine so said no but for the rest of the night leading to the following morning that was all we talked about.
We woke up the following day, still talking about the night before. I keep nudging John and hinting that we should stop by again before our dinner but from that morning carried over to our lunch together, he was so adamant about going to the beach at 5:30. I ended up messaging Chez Noir's IG to ask if we could do a walk in because their reservations for the day was full. We said we'd just come for a couple dishes that we didn't order the night before and Monique said they don't do walk ins but to come in at 5 and she'd SIT US PERSONALLY. Felt very cool. The rest of the afternoon I notice John's super panicky on his phone but playing it off that it's a work related thing. Which made sense cause it was a Thursday and God knows there's always something going on with work for him. I kept trying to push to go back to Chez Noir and that's literally all that was going on in my mind. That and I felt bad if we didn't get to Chez Noir by 5 because that's when Monique said to come. John eventually says it's fine and he said we could just go to the beach at 4:30. We left at 4:15 and headed to another beach, to be closer and less rushed to go to Chez Noir. It was a different beach from what John had originally thought of. I was so confused why he was so adamant because it was gloomy and no way we'd be able to catch a sunset, but just followed through. 30 minutes before leaving I ask my friends the same thing along the lines of "Guys tell me John isn't proposing today because he's so adamant on going to the beach when it's gloomy". Of course, no one responds. But my mind is so preoccupied about him not proposing because we're meeting up with my cousins and because I keep thinking about eating at Chez Noir one last night HAHA.
We get there and it's pretty empty where we get to except for one guy fairly up the hill with a picnic basket set up and sitting alone. We hold hands and he offers to carry my slippers cause I was struggling in them. We get to the water and just look out and talk about whatever and how happy we are with how our trip is going. He starts doing that thing again where he steps behind me, put his hands in his pockets, plays with his fingers making two circles with his thumb and index fingers etc. Here's the part where I began to blank out so forgive me for the lack of details. I see him pulling something out from BEHIND his pant button lol and then he takes out a small pink box, takes a step back, gets down on one knee and I begin saying "omg" and he starts with "you're my best friend..." and I honestly cannot recall what else happened. Then I see the guy in the distance stand up and get closer and I realized it was our photographer. He introduces himself and we take a couple of pictures. I soak in the moment then I remember we have to leave soon to get to Chez by 5 HAHA. I look back and wish we weren't rushed so we had more pictures, that I didn't have my bag in the pictures, that I had my shoes on etc. But honestly, I look back at that now and there's really nothing I would change about how I got engaged. I feel like not having my shoes on and my purse on when it happens just paints how candid everything was. I no longer have any regrets about what could have been changed because at the end of the day, I'm engaged to my person. My favorite person on this planet.
We rushed over to Chez Noir and was greeted with a free glass of champagne and everyone welcoming us back. John's still looking for parking and Monique asked about how our day is going and I share that we just got engaged. John gets to the table and Monique personally congratulates us and next thing you know the staff comes up to us one by one congratulating us haha! Monique also shared her engagement story with us too. Word got around so fast and when he had the time, Chef Johnny came out as well to congratulate us. We are no longer rushed to scarf down food this time and before we head out, we see Monique inside leaning over the counter that divides the dining room to the kitchen and signal us to hold on for one second. We wait for her and she comes out with a signed menu from that evening saying "Congratulations on your engagement!! Can't wait to cook for you again." signed Johnny Black. OMG can you believe that?! Still in awe, we park our car in front of our hotel and begin walking to Aubergine. It was also an unforgettable meal but I was lowkey getting full since we ate right before so couldn't enjoy it 100%.
Then the following morning we check out and meet with my cousins at Napa. Long story short, they knew about this plan. Alexis bought "engaged" balloons and hung them up at our Airbnb and it was such a sweet gesture. The rest of our trip was spent fine dining and wining. This was one of the best moments of my life despite the rough start we had that literally just lasted 2 hours haha.
John, I cannot wait to be your wife. Thank you for this amazing weekend and I can't wait for our next adventure together.
