I wish I could love myself. 

I hate how I feel towards how I perceive myself. I hate that I am never satisfied with myself. I hate feeling like I am never enough... for myself or for anyone. I hate the fact that I hate every inch of my being. I look at myself in pictures and videos and am so fucking disgusted with myself. I hate how often I dissociate with reality. I am tired of feeling empty. I am becoming so drained trying to be strong and present for others but not putting in that effort for myself. I hate that I always feel so lost. I hate that I look for reasons to numb everything and to ignore everything. I hate that I look for those things but not know what to do at the same time. I hate that I have lost motivation to do the things I once loved. I hate that I depend on others to make me happy. I hate that I feel like a nuisance to everyone. I hate that I randomly text my friends to find someone to talk to but still feeling like a bother. I hate that I tell myself excuses to justify my worth. I hate that I've accepted this reality. I hate that I feel like this is what I deserve. I hate feeling fucking empty all the time. I am always wanting to meet new people to numb whatever the fuck I feel inside. I hate when I feel like ending myself. I hate that I still feel this way even after getting off the pill. I hate that people only give a fuck when I cry. 

I'm so tired, man. 

So. Fucking. Tired.