No offense but I owe it to myself to feel proud about the shit I have accomplished. I am so close to graduating with my masters and I'm even closer to finishing my last didactic quarter of my educational career and starting my first full time fieldwork. I did the damn thing. I did that shit by myself. At the end of the day I had no one but myself doing this and fighting through my racist classmates--familiy--and old friends, depression and anxiety, insecurities, anger, tears, loss, living alone throughout a pandemic, and more. I have to give myself credit for passing some hard ass classes and actually not getting a C in a science class for once in my life. I owe it to myself for getting straight A's 3 quarters in a row. I was told after my neuro class, things would get a little easier and they did but it was still a lot of work at the same time. It's only "easier" because the hard science classes are out of the way. But from there is was all OT classes and implementing what we learned from anatomy and neuro. The curriculum was still hard nonetheless. It's not like a masters degree is a walk in the park. There was still a lot of late emotional stressful nights put into this.

There was a lot of talking myself through an anxiety attack. A lot of talking myself out of a suicidal episode. Convincing myself I belong in this program and in the field of Occupational Therapy. A lot of time put into discovering myself and finding to root to my traumas. A lot of printing out my notes and putting them in a sheet protector and studying in the shower and in the bathroom. A lot of sacrifices to stay in and study or do an assignment. A lot of reviewing outloud to my reflection in the mirror. A lot of learning to accept that I can't depend on people to be there for me the way I would have or have been for them. A lot of setting boundaries for myself so I could reduce the amount of times people hurt me in a day. A lot of finding ways to be okay with the solitude. A lot of trying to be okay with the incontrolable. A lot of learning to forgive myself. A lot of learning to be okay with the weightloss journey. A lot of forcing myself out of bed to get shit done. Just a whole lot of shit. 

I did the damn thing. I need to give myself credit for that especially knowing who I am and the shit that goes on in my head. I deserve to be shown off. I am an amazing person. I am meant to be here. I am meant to be the change I need for myself. I am meant to be in this field. I deserve to be valued. I deserve love. I deserve effort. I deserve someone who gives a fuck about me and if I can't feel that from anywhere else the least I could do is be that person for me.