Faded

I will never know what went on in your head

Days after the last time we talked

Or days after I left

But what I do know was you were 

Just as affected as I

But you chose to erase me from your life

There's nothing I can do 

To piece back something 

That once existed 

I can thank you for helping me

You helped me grow a stronger believer

and more devoted child of God

I can thank you for helping me

Learn more about yourself...

Your past, your dreams, and your family

But as time played its role, 

What we once were--

Whatever it may be

Is nothing but a faded memory

For we no longer are in each others lives

But I have accepted there's nothing I can do. 

I'm okay with it though

Maybe it's best we return to being strangers 

You no longer linger in my head like you once did

As you faded

Something beautiful became visible 

And helped me see the world in a different light. 

Help!

Anyone good with MacBooks and creating space on your laptop with a quicker method than deleting pictures one at a time?! I bought an external hard drive to transfer some files but for some reason it isn't working. I'm not tech savvy so things like this give me a really hard time. I really want to edit my pictures and videos that I took when I was at the East Coast but there's just no storage on my laptop! I tried message the AppleCare person I spoke to that helped me with my past problem of randomly lost images but it's been over a week and I still haven't heard back. :(

Other than that, I'm back at school again. This is my last semester at Mt. SAC and as much as I would like to end strong, I've been feeling so unmotivated and tired. The drive I had within me has died down and the only way I can keep myself going is by telling myself that as long as I push myself now, I can get my summer to myself. I can actually breathe and relax without having to worry about summer school! But I honestly might still have to worry about my transfer process but it shouldn't be as bad as stressing over classes on campus... right?

Not much has happened with my life and it's been like that for such a long time. It's kind of sad that my lack of motivation AND money has led to such a boring lifestyle. I really need to start switching things up, pick up old passions, take education seriously again, and just get things sorted and straightened out! There's seriously no time to waste but here I am wasting my hours. I feel like all I want to do is hang out with John HAHA! I love being around him but it's kind of sad that the only time I feel productive is when he's around. That needs to change. NOW! I'm currently killing time in Augie's Cafe in Claremont because I go to my mentorship. But I think I'm going to do this more often before my mentorship. Hit up local cafe's and just do homework, study, and just take time for myself. I feel like if I stay at home, I'm never going to get anything done. Sorry, this post is really just a self-talk to get out of bed early and to just start my day strong and early. I think that's what's changed... because I haven't been able to go out to study like I used to. I got things done before but now I lounge around at home and I can't keep doing that.

My acne scars are slowly but surely starting to heal. I just need to learn how to discipline myself to stop picking them because now I scar up! It was a bad habit I grew up with because scarring was never something I worried about despite my constant picking. But I guess as I grew older, started birth control pills, and had my immune system slowing down along with bad eating habits, this is what I get. I'm back on my whole coconut oil and tea tree oil obsession as well as some of the Honeybelle products I've been using and I guess that's what's been helping. I  need more sleep  though and I need to stay hydrated because my dark circles are DARRRRRK! My scars are no longer too much of a depressing insecurity but it's my damn dark circles. I can't tell if they're hereditary or not because my dad has pretty bad dark circles and puffy under eyes but my mom doesn't. But then again I realized I have a lot of my dad's genetics so I can't really be surprised if dark circles are one of them. I'm also trying to work out more so hopefully things about my appearance and overall health start getting better again. I NEED TO WATCH WHAT I EAT. All I stare at is my stomach and start to miss having a flat stomach again and small thighs... SIGH. Gotta get up and make a change that I want to see right?