God's Blessings.

I know my posts can get pretty repetitive about how blessed I've been feeling lately. But I can't help but be blessed! There are so many things happening in the world today that are reasons why some lose hope and stray away from God but I know that God will always be there for us no matter what.

My walk with the Lord is still in progress but everyday I know I'm in safe hands. I know that He is doing great things in my life as long as I put my trust in Him. He has put people in my life that really help me grow as an individual. They are people who motivate and inspire me to never stop this journey with God. People who I can always talk to and people who will always be there for me. Being around people with the same beliefs as I is motivating because we can all learn from one another and keep each other on track when one feels lost. That is what's so amazing. Every youth night is such a big blessing to me because I believe that God has placed me within an amazing family that will stand in unity. The things that God has guided me through, what he has put in my life, and what he is taken out just proves that he knows what is best for us. He'll take things away to give us something better.

The fire that I had from camp is still lit. There was something about this years camp that was my push to become better. The love for God that I saw in the campers eyes was so beautiful. Everyone was so happy, so blessed, so moved. I became close to a lot of people this year. It is so important to surround yourself with people you know will help you grow. When you surround yourself with people who will stray you from your religion, people who will bring you down, people who will neglect you--that's where you start to feel discouraged and lonely. I remember being so upset for the longest time over something and just had everything else become negative and that started to pile up. I wasn't happy for the longest time and had to put on a fake smile to let everyone know I was "okay". But now that I'm putting my trust in the Lord, I can put on a genuine smile.

We need to remember that trusting the Lord is key. We need to trust that everything that is happening has a purpose. My family and I do weekly devotionals together but I honestly didn't read my bible everyday on my own but ever since a friend of mine emailed me one of his daily devotionals, I signed up for devotionals to be emailed to me everyday and that has helped me a lot. I now do devotionals everyday (almost everyday, but at least I read more consistently than I ever have!) I'll miss a devotional like once a week but I read it the next day as well as the devotional of the day to catch up. But overall, God is doing great things in my life and I'm so blessed.

He is guiding me through my studies, my relationships, my struggles, my pain--everything. There are some things at the moment with no answer, but in progress, that I really want answers to. Sometimes I get so impatient that I need to know what's going to happen with certain situations in my life. I pray for it everyday and I'm waiting and waiting for an answer but I have to remember that things will fall into place, not in my time, but in God's time. I need to discipline my impatience! But I know that's going to take a while because I'm so needy with answers because I don't like surprises. That's the thing with God's blessings though because there are so many blessings in disguise and it will obviously surprise us eventually.

I always want to bring my friends to youth nights, to bible studies, to my church concerts because I want them to feel what I feel about the Lord. I want to share the experience that I have received with the Lord in my life. But I know I cannot force people into something that they are not interested in. I try to motivate some people but it's so hard because sometimes they aren't even willing to make time for it. I've seen some people so close to me start to drift from the Lord but I know it shouldn't be a reason why I stop talking to them. I need to always be there for them and slowly introduce the Lord in their life. I'll admit sometimes I get discouraged with certain individuals because they always say they'll come to an event but end up not going and instead do something else that night like go to a party, a club, etc. It makes me really sad. I want to spend time with them but sometimes I feel like they just push me out of their lives because they have other friends who matter more, they have better things to do, etc. I think that's why I've kind of gotten a lot closer to the youths in church because they never make me feel neglected. I can't really explain it. I've gotten closer to the youth in church because I feel more secure and accepted there than around some people. I know they'll always be there for me and they know I'll always be there for them. But I can't help but pray and ask Him what I should do, how I should handle situations with certain people, etc.

Other than that, last night was youth night and it was a fun night like always! Can't wait to see them all again soon!

Charlene

The Recap

It's been so long since my last post. I have been so busy lately that I didn't have much time to write what has been happening!

Anyways, it's not like there's a lot happening anyways. I'm just really busy with school and trying to balance studying for my classes as well as writing essays and what not. My environmental science class is killing me! Tested every week and next week we have a midterm. I really want to get an A on it to bring my grade up because even if I got a B on the last exam, my professor is willing to drop the lowest grade so there's hope for me!

Last Saturday I went over to Michelle's to model for her clothing line (Simplex) and it was a pretty fun experience. I usually tell her that I don't want to model because I don't know how to pose but I think it's just something I need to learn to get used to.

I think it's such a blessing to be able to sing on stage with FIRM tomorrow for Youth Night! I remember Lauren and I used to say how cool it'd be to learn from them and next thing you know we're invited to sing with them. So that's pretty cool. I'm so inspired by the people around me and I'm really glad I met them. Lauren, if you're reading this, hi! Can't wait to hear your final recording of your song ;)
This Saturday is Fullerton's Friendship Games but I don't think I'll be able to attend because I have to watch a dance show at school and write a report on it as well as practice. It was easy to dismiss myself from practice before but the other pianist took a leave of absence for a month so there's just me. I don't mind it though, I get to learn more and more. Last week was my little hell week because I did all nighters and got only like 2 hours of sleep some nights because of studying for my human bio exam. I got a higher grade than my last test so I'm pretty happy about that too and I'm hoping for a curve on the last exam.
My parents are back home from the Philippines and I can already see my stomach beginning to re-bloat because I'm eating my mom's tasty food again. But I'm really trying to cut down by the end of November. It's not that far from now but I'm also trying to lose a lot of weight in the winter again so I can look hot for the summer hahaha. Also have The 1975 next month and Jhene Aiko in December. I have a lot of things I want to write but I really need to get back to studying.

Charlene

IDK.

Signed up for PASA's AKA and met my Ate on Wednesday. I'm glad we were paired together because we have the same personality so I'm looking forward to seeing her much more often. It was fun meeting new people as well as seeing a couple of old faces and being able to talk to them again.

I don't know how to express my feelings right now. I can't properly conjure the words to help me describe this knot of "feels" in my mind. Can't tell if I'm relieved, mad, or sad.

I don't know.
All I know is I need sleep but I also have to do an essay and study.

Weekends do not exist for me.

The Days of September's End

God has called my grandmother to be with him in heaven this week. She is now living pain and worry free.

Going back to the Philippines will never be the same without seeing her big beautiful smile when entering through the gates of her house. She would always be in the center waiting for our arrival then immediately asking us if we wanted anything to eat. It truly saddens me that I haven't seen her in such a long time. I believe it's been 4 years. My family and I used to visit every two years but things got very busy, holding us back. What also hurts me is thinking about our plans of coming home this Christmas. But these happenings have caught everyone by surprise. When my mom came back home from the Philippines, my grandmother was in stable condition. She was responding and smiling. But five days after my mom's return home, we got the news.

Like I said, it caught everyone by surprise. We all thought things were okay. Monday morning, I was still up pretty late just doing some homework. Our internet went down for that time so I couldn't use Spotify to listen to music so I used my iTouch instead. Around 1:45 am, I went to the restroom in my mom's room and set my iTouch on the bed while still playing music. While in the restroom, the music stops playing and I get scared because I didn't know the reason why it stopped. I figured my iTouch ran out of battery. I called Lauren because I knew she was still up and told her why I was scared. When I stepped out to check my iTouch, it was fully charged. My mom does graveyard shifts so I texted her "Mom". Then, because I didn't reply to her response after, she calls me asking what's happening. I just told her I was scared because my music randomly stopped playing. Then around 2:30 am, I get another call from my mom and she's sobbing and I couldn't understand anything she was saying other than, "Lola (grandmother in Tagalog) is gone" and "my mom is gone". I was so in shock that it took me a while to process what I was trying to decipher as my mom spoke. She continued saying all these things but I couldn't understand a single word. I wake my dad up so we can both talk to her and try to comfort her. I couldn't sleep. My grandmother passed away September 29, 2014.

My mom comes home at 8 in the morning and all I could do was hug her while she cried. She kept saying she didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say and ended up just crying with her. Then as I prepared for school, I just overheard my mom calling family to let them in on what's happened. My mom was telling them how my Lola said her "goodbye" to me the night before. That it was the reason my music stopped playing. I also heard her say that before she left the Philippines, my grandma told her that my birthday was coming up the week after. How she would never forget my birthday. Tears started to run down my face.

So my birthday was pretty much a sad one. How could I celebrate my birthday knowing that my grandmother passed away the morning before? My parents are both leaving for the Philippines tomorrow (or today, October 1) and will be gone until October 12. My family and I went out for lunch in DTLA but it wasn't like our usual lunches. We were quiet. My mom was tired. My dad had a busy mind. I just tried to make the best of it and tried to stay positive. It just angers me that I can't be with them when they go back to the Philippines. I can't go with them to visit my family and see my grandmother one more time. That I can't do anything else but pray. It's not like I'll be able to pay attention in class because I'll be too busy waiting for a text from my parents. My mind will be too preoccupied with other thoughts instead of studying. But I know I must be strong and just trust in the Lord with all my heart. Trust that God has a purpose for everything that happens in our life and that we must always seek Him first.

I pray that my parents have a safe flight back to the Philippines. I pray for guidance for myself as well because I will be far away from them. I pray for my family back home to stay strong.

To whomever is reading this:
Cherish your life. Cherish and make time for those you love because life can always take us by surprise. Remind them you love them everyday and always have a forgiving heart. Remember to always pray and to never lose hope. Make the best of every situation no matter how tough things may get. To always spread love instead of hate. We are all fighting our own battles. There is no need to hurt another because something didn't go your way or didn't add up to your expectations. Be kind to all, smile to strangers, and just spread happiness. Some people bottle up all their emotions when all they really need is for someone to listen and not judge them. Like I said, remind those you love that you love them. Show them how much you love them. Show them how thankful you are for them because they are in your life. Also like already mentioned, make time for those you love! We always think we can see someone whenever we want to, but one day that will no longer be an option. In the blink of an eye, those we love will be taken away from us. We can no longer see them when we feel like it. We will no longer hear their voices, feel their touch, and we will no longer be able to make new memories with them. Make the best of today! Don't think too much about the future and thinking we all have the same amount of time. Because the reality is, we don't. Spend your time with God, with those who help you grow, who make you happiest, and cherish every millisecond with them.