Hey Lord, You know I'm tired
Hey Lord, You know I'm tired
Hey Lord, You know I'm tired of tears
Hey Lord, just cut me loose
The past couple of weeks have felt like an eternity. To be quite honest, I am tired. The season finale of Euphoria just ended and this song has been on repeat all day. The lyrics are so simple yet have resonated with me in so many ways. I am numb, I have broken down in tears at random hours of the day, I am exhausted yet cannot rest. It all started with anxiety prior to my board exam which then spiraled into awakening my dormant depression. My waves of sadness naturally came and went but it has not been this bad since getting off the pill December of 2020. I genuinely do not want to be here.
Hey Lord, You know I'm fighting
Hey Lord, You know I'm fighting
I'm sure this world is done with me
Hey Lord, You know it's true
This song has brought me to tears because I feel its emotion. It feels so raw. As previously mentioned, the days feel so stretched out that it feels like I've been in this state for months and it amazes me that it's only been 3 weeks. I feel like I've pushed people away the whole month of January and slowly began to enjoy entertaining my thoughts and finding content in being alone. The fog of February showed me the unhealthy side of it and I just started breaking down day by day. My anxiety has found its way into my dreams. Almost every night of February I've been having dreams I know are rooted in my anxiety. I've even had a night where it was so bad I was crying in my sleep. John woke me up and after I went back to sleep, had another bad dream. My negative thoughts have returned and I feel almost sure the world may be better without me. Like I'm an embarrassment and a failure. Today I met with a new doctor to discuss my anxiety and depression. I want to feel hopeful in this because this is my fight. This is me taking the first step of regaining my power. I know I deserve to be here and I know I am loved and wanted. I am worthy. I have the rest of my life to live and won't let my anxiety and depression win this battle.
Hey Lord, You know I'm trying
Hey Lord, You know I'm trying
It's all I got, is this enough?
Hey Lord, I wanna stay
Hey Lord, You know I'm fighting
Hey Lord, You know I'll find it
I don't know when or how today
Hey Lord, I'm on my way
