I have pretty much neglected this blog for the past couple of months due to such a stressful and overwhelming semester as I was currently enrolled in one of the hardest Child Development classes at school along with 4 other classes, applying for transfer, working on the youth, and honestly just enjoying life in the moment. I could have written sooner, in fact I have a draft of me beginning a post of my stay in the East Coast for my first week of winter break, but I really don't plan on finishing it.
Life is going pretty great as of today but I have lost the passion to pursue a lot of things that I found solitude and security in. Sadly having to admit that one of the passions is the passion I had last year to pursue God. I look back at my old entries every now and then and get pretty upset, not at God but at myself, because I no longer seek Him. I guess the reason why I felt so motivated last year was because everything was so new to me. Never before have I experienced God's love the way I did last year. Sadly, life took its grand toll which caused me to slowly stray away from God. But I am ready to pick up right where I left off and seek His love once again. Last year, I was constantly blessed (or at least aware of) with love from not only God, but from the youth. It's not that I don't feel loved anymore, I do, but it's a lot different. Last year I was surrounded by people who had the biggest hearts and eagerness to seek God and His greatness. Their journey's then inspired me to see what all this awesome fuss was about. I sought God, I felt God, I fell more and more in love with Him than I ever did. The fire within me was so "lit" and I felt nothing but excitement to constantly surround myself with other children of God. I guess my faith just fell stagnant as I lost the fire within me. I honestly don't feel as excited anymore and if I could be honest, I guess it's because I slowly became preoccupied in other things and lost sight of what God was doing in my life and just fell comfortable in it. But I miss the flame I had and I am so motivated to start the new year fresh. The great thing about faith is although we sometimes fall short and even stray from God, He never strays from us and is always welcoming us back. I am determined to continue my walk once more as well as inspire the youth to be just as excited as well.
But how has life been treating me nonetheless? Amazing. I have amazing friends, a blessed family, and a loving man in my life. I feel loved every single day and I would never trade it for anything else. I am reminded that I am loved through them when I feel insecure about my walk with the Lord or just insecure about myself and the future I have planned for myself. I still continue to strive to reach my goals although it has slowly been tweaked. In fact, I would have to say this winter break has been one of the best ones in a long time. Maybe it's because I traveled, maybe it's because I kept myself busy every day, maybe it's because I have things to look forward to, maybe it's because I get to spend time with all my cousins again, maybe it's because I rekindled some relationships, or maybe it's a little bit of everything. I really pray for some people that I no longer talk to and really, truly hope they're doing fine. I pray that through this year, they learn to forgive one another and start fresh. I still hope for the best towards those who have hurt me, who have strayed, and who have negative thoughts towards me. I was in a pretty bad place in the beginning of the year and I was pretty hurt. I do look back on it a lot, and I honestly do share the story with many people who want to know about it, but I do it with confidence because I am no longer hurting over it. I learned to see the big picture and I can't thank God enough for putting me in that position because I don't think I'd be anywhere near where I am today if it wasn't for it. I truthfully miss the friendships that I have lost through it, but I know through God's time, we can learn to forgive one another each and maybe even become friends again. But as of right now, I'm completely fine with the way things are. I have accepted it and have completely moved on through all the emotions that were involved with it. I have met someone who loves me. Who really, truly, loves me and who I can talk to, be myself with, and just be accepted nonetheless. I have never experienced a relationship as true and genuine as this. But I am thankful and blessed that it's with someone who also loves God and that I can grow with.
I have set some simple, hopefully easy to reach, goals for myself for this coming new year:
- Continue your walk with God every day
- Eat healthier, drink lots of water, work out more often
- Read more, write more
- Continue to love yourself and really let those you love feel loved
- Be patient with yourself and others
- Take care of yourself and others
- Make time for yourself and those you love
I am excited to see what 2016 has to offer... what GOD has to offer. What/who will come and what/who will go. I'm really looking forward to the future and I pray that I can become who God wants me to be and to live the life what will please Him.
God Bless to whoever is reading this.
Charlene
