September

I would like to write forever about how things have been going lately--but I won't.

But there is just so much to look forward to about my future. With my walk with God, all these upcoming events, a couple concerts, my education, my relationships, etc. Not everyday is filled with sunshine but why let that hold me back from making the best of any situation? I have to remind myself that there's so much happening in my life that it can get hard to balance it but it isn't impossible. I'm surrounded by people who are so inspirational, great and encouraging. Sometimes I can't help but reminisce back to when I was influenced to do all these negative things and when I didn't know how to say, "No". I thought that I had to fit into the environment I surrounded myself in. Thought I had to do what everyone else was doing to the point where I thought my actions defined me. Like I did what I did for myself. At the time, I thought I knew who I was. But now that I'm older, I'm actually able to make my own decisions without feeling conscious about not living up to people's expectations. When I was younger, I thought I've become this person who enjoyed partying and doing all these things that hurt me. Thought I enjoyed taking some dangerous risks in life. I was wrong. I was so wrong to think that way. I was so lost. Didn't know who to look up to, who to talk to, didn't know who gave a crap about me either. No, I am not perfect. I still have my flaws but I know I am not the same person I was a couple years ago. I had to do a lot of growing up because I had to tell myself that what I was doing at the time is not acceptable. It's never something to be proud of. It isn't something worth bragging over and being boastful about. Doing so will bring me towards the wrong crowd. I'm honestly glad that phase of my life is in my past. The fearful truth is that one day these old habits are possible to return. But now I am able to control myself better than I ever did before. I have to stay strong in my faith so I don't fall back into these horrible habits. So I don't have to regret doing something the next morning either.

A friend of mine told me that I inspired her to become a better person. It honestly meant so much to me hearing that someone is inspired by me. I can't explain it! But it made me really happy to hear that from her. Maybe my life isn't so crappy after all? Maybe I'm actually doing something right? Something worth noticing? It's kind of like a confidence boost to "keep doing me". I've also met people who are inspirations to my own life. I have friends who inspire me to become a better pianist, writer, Christian, etc. They remind me that there is always room for improvement. To never tell myself that I'm already the best I can be because there's still so much more to learn. So many more things waiting to be used and discovered. What I'm trying to say is I'm so blessed to have people accept me for being who I am. That they don't expect me to do what I am not capable of but at the same time encourage me to reach new heights by also reminding me they will always be there if I fail or feel like giving up. Does that make any sense?

Anyways, yesterday was youth night. I was about to go to Cal Poly to see Chance the Rapper but I'm really glad I decided to hang out with the youth last night. It's always so fun being with everyone! It just sucks how there's distance between all of us. But the drive to each other is always worth it anyways.