March Madness

This past month I've been trying this new thing where I kind of step out of the picture to take the time for myself. I've been trying to find sanity through all that's been happening lately. I am very much aware that my past couple posts have to do with me losing myself and slowly going crazy in the midst of it all, but I am not doing this for nothing. I've been trying to center my faith again and I've been working on becoming a stronger individual. I haven't been blogging much about it because I didn't feel ready to share it.

But as a recap... Yes. I have gone "crazy" the past couple weeks. I have had my fair share of laughter and tears. But I can assure you, I am getting better. I've had to cut ties I felt were unhealthy for me and the person involved. I am happier and I hope they are as well. I know I could have cut ties better with proper closure, but I don't know how to bring it up. It's already seemed it was inevitable. The past months have been me putting others before me. I just wanted them to be happy while I was tearing myself apart. I stuck around relationships I hoped would work and relationships I saw a bright future with. As time progressed, that bright future began to fade and I guess that's when I started to lose myself. I've been stressing with school, leadership with the church, a couple of friendships, and even my faith. Once the future dimmed, I didn't realize that I dug myself into this deep hole that wasn't easy to climb out of. I'm not fully "healed" and I don't know when I will be, but I am taking baby steps to get out of this annoying hole.

I do not get a spring break because my winter semester was long, but most of my best friends are currently on break and I'm trying to make as much time with them as possible. I love them so much and they really keep my mind off of things. Last week, my cousin was over for her break as well. I'm really just trying to fit in time for those who make me happiest. I've also started a new book called Mere Christianity by C.S Lewis! Hope to blog about it soon.

Anyway, today after class I went straight to Shivani's house and headed off to Long Beach to go kayaking. It was so fun! My arms are in so much pain but I want to say I got a good arm work out from it. Tomorrow, also after class, Shivani and I will be going to see The Vacationer in Santa Ana. Erica's going to Disneyland, I'm not too sure why Krystal can't come, and Raissa is in school still and it's hell week for PBL (I think that's what it's called).