The future is so uncertain and the thought of trying to plan for it makes me both anxious and burnt out. I want a good future for myself and for those I love. I want to be able to live comfortably and have the means to afford things that can help ease stress and make life a little more bearable. There's so many things I wish to do and try but everything costs money. I'm 26 years old with no job, barely any savings, living like I have a steady income. I feel guilty when buying things sometimes because I know it isn't my money. I owe my parents so much for providing me with a wonderful life. I only wish to be able to repay them for all their sacrifices and generosity. I think about my potential debt from school and feel overwhelmed with a payment plan. Even if I were to pay it off aggressively it would still take me 6-8 years to pay off. By then I'd be in my mid 30s before feeling even an ounce of financial freedom. I pray to have the energy to be able to push myself to work overtime for a couple of years. I hope me being more active at work will help me with losing weight again. I feel horrible for gaining back all the weight I've worked hard to lose when living in AZ. My skin is shit. But I've honestly just learned to accept my skin at this point. But my clothes are starting to feel tight again, my confidence is going down, ugh.
If I could end this short post on a positive note: at least I don't feel as depressed as I did this time last year plus I am not feeling suicidal. Yay
No comments:
Post a Comment