shame on me for actually thinking my life would reset

am I still sad and suicidal? yup but that's expected.

but am I making continuous efforts to actually shut off the negative thoughts? hell yes I am

it isn't easy one bit but it's been working. hopefully it becomes second nature to me and I can continue my journey towards happiness.

I do notice things getting better this year despite my negative thoughts in regards to my relationships with people. I like the effort on both ends. that's how it should have been long ago.