You guys... I'm really fucking trying here. I'm really trying to do better by trying to think positively but it's hard because at the same time my body isn't having it. It doesn't want to feel better even when my mind is telling myself positive things. I'm really trying my best by reading articles, listening to podcasts, following therapists on IG to help with coping... I'm trying so hard here.
Never in my life have I felt as low as I do now. I've felt sad before but I actually had a reason to be sad. Now I'm just sad because that's what my mind feels and I honestly have no reason to be sad. I have no appetite, no energy, no motivation. I vocalize that today will be a new day, today I will be motivated, today I will get shit done. Yesterday I just spent a majority of the day asleep and if I wasn't asleep I was crying. It was a waste of a day. What's hard is that I know what's happening around me, I know my thoughts and fears sound stupid and annoying. And I know the things I feel anxious about are things I can control but I can't snap out of it. I know. I'm aware. But I feel like I can't do anything about it either. It's such a paralyzing thing to be anxious and depressed. It's so bad. It's not like I want to be this way and that's why I'm trying to retrain my thoughts. I left my apartment to study at Coffee Bean. I'm getting more done than I did yesterday but I keep getting notifications from my dogs back in my apartment. Every time I open up the app, they're barking. Then I overthink and get anxious that they're annoying my neighbors on a peaceful Saturday afternoon. Then I think I should go home to stop them because they don't bark when I'm home but at the same time when I'm home I don't get anything done. It's so hard. I don't know what to do. I'm constantly overthinking. Sometimes my anxiety can lead to feeling sad but some times I'm just sad for no reason. It's a weird cycle. I need to meet with my therapist again.
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