Forty-one days ago I made a post about constant rejections and growing doubts about myself, what I am capable of, and even what God's plan was for me. Little did I know that 13 days later I would be receiving a call of acceptance from Midwestern University. It's been a while since receiving that call and I am still filled with so many emotions. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited as hell for this new chapter in my life but I am also filled with fear. I'm moving out of state to Arizona in a little over 2 months from now which means leaving behind my parents, my family, my dogs, my friends, and John. I'm literally moving out alone with no one with me and I don't know shit outside of this bubble I've grown in. I know this is for the best but I am so scared to leave every single thing familiar to me behind and learn to figure things out on my own. I am fucking terrified. My insecurities have been piercing through again and things I told myself I'd forget about still haven't left my mind. I just need more answers but it's never the right time and I don't think it ever will be.
I began following a couple Occupational Therapy accounts on Instagram and it's been giving me a boost of excitement whenever I see something pop up on my feed. In a couple years, God willing, I myself will be a freakin Occupational Therapist. I still can't wrap my head around it and I still can't believe I am one step closer to my dreams. I never thought I'd be moving out of state... I always knew I wanted to move out during grad school but I figured an hour or two hour drive from home and not a whole five hour drive. I'm excited to see myself grow within this time and I am proud as fuck for myself and getting to where I am today. I always think back to high school me when I didn't care about shit. I knew I wanted to go to college but never knew exactly what I wanted to do and just listened to what people told me to do. The Lord really paved a way and introduced me to OT and I can't see myself being anything else but one.
To be honest, I am scared shitless for a long distance relationship. I've had one before and it didn't work out because my ex began to fall for another girl. I know I can't assume John will do the same but I can't help but overthink because so much can happen in two years. Although for a while, we only saw each other roughly once a week, I think knowing the convenience of being 30-45 minutes away from each other is what gave me comfort. I can't just drive 5 hours to him and vice versa if I miss him and just want a hug. I just pray nothing changes between us and that these past 3.5 years together was for nothing because I love this man... We've been through some shit, almost didn't think we'd make it through, but love definitely conquered through and gave us the strength to keep going. Relationships were never made to be easy but I think at the end of the day, the two need to decide if it's worth it or not. I can't wait to be with this man and I can't wait to start a family with him. I never thought I'd hear myself saying this because it wasn't until John where I actually thought of marriage. Anyways, I lift up this relationship to God and trust in His will for John and I. I pray for strength, continuous love, patience, honesty, and time for us two as well. I pray we still find time at the end of our busy days to catch up and talk like how we always do now. I pray there will be time in between to get together and spend some time with another. I pray for John's safety, for his health, for himself, for his family, and for his future.
Wish me luck friends.
Ari-fuckin'-zona
No comments:
Post a Comment