I am 9 days away from graduating. 60% of my apartment has been cleaned out, brought back to CA, or has been sold. I can't help but sit in the center of my living room floor and just taking in the silence of having my own space. My mental health was still pretty shitty throughout 2020 but I can't deny that being away from home has also helped me be better at coping with my thoughts. I need these days of not having to open my mouth to talk to anyone. I need the space available to be sad and cry things out if I need to. I have so much appreciation for this chapter in my life that has helped me reconnect with myself and to challenge myself to get to know who I am. To learn what I need, what I want, and what I deserve. I am so thankful for the things I've learned how to do since moving out on my own. I am thankful for a space big enough to dance freely around, to cry in peace, and to create memories in. With the few days I have left here, I am soaking in everything about it. Not having to hear fireworks in the middle of the night like I do back home, that's for sure. As much as I'd like to write more about how much I love my apartment and the past 2 years being away from home, that's not really the reason I've decided to pick my laptop up and write at 2 in the morning.
It's really draining being constantly stressed and anxious over the smallest of things and not feeling in control. I need that stability but a request such as that is unrealistic. I feel like I need to constantly be busy but I am also so drained. I have all these things planned for the next 2 weeks and I literally will only have 2 days to myself. 2 days. I am also feeling another wave of sadness but it's probably more because I am closing this chapter in my life I once was so anxious about. Before writing this post, I had looked back and read my posts about being rejected to a bunch of OT programs, being scared of long distance working out, being stressed and anxious about school, etc. It's so crazy how life works and how important it is to trust in God and His plan for us.
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